Saturday, July 12, 2014
This story was created from an exercise where we had to think of a famous historical or literary character who is not usually thought of in a humorous vein and write a humorous piece about that person.
The man looked at his reflection in the mirror and was dismayed to see he developed a twitch in his eye. Not only was his eye twitching but his heart was beating so fast he was sure everyone in the restaurant could hear it.
As he exited the bathroom , he passed Molly, a young twenty something waitress with the most delicious looking glistening arms. She smelled of coconut, and it took incredible self control not to grab her arm and put it up to his mouth.
“Everyone is so excited to see your creations. Its always fun when we have a new chef.”
“Thank you, I am a bit nervous today being my first day and all,” he answered
“You’ll be fine,” she said as she gave him a comforting pat on his shoulder.
As he entered the kitchen, he thought of how he lied on his resume and used some contacts he made in jail to give him glowing references.
He made it through the night by chopping, sauteing, and fondling his food. There was a steady flow of customers, and he gained confidence.
He was admiring and caressing a cauliflower head in the kitchen while secretly sipping a Bloody Mary when a waitress came in and startled him. She smelled of peaches and he was so ravenous he almost lost control. She said to him, “ The customers at my table want to talk to you.”
“Oh no, maybe they know I am a fraud. Maybe all those hours of watching Rachel Ray and teaching myself to cook didn’t work,” he thought.
He walked to a table to be greeted by a young couple in their thirties.
“Hello, I hope you enjoyed your meal,” he said.
The man jumped up and said, “ This was the most amazing meal ever. We loved the appetizer of artichoke hearts, and my main course of tongue was scrumptious. Just like my mother used to make. My girlfriend can’t stop raving about her dish of liver and fava beans. But the best was those delicious lady fingers we had for dessert.”
His breath became even and he relaxed as he said, “So glad you enjoyed, thank you so much.”
The girlfriend said, “Best meal ever, I started thinking of my Aunt Irene as I was eating the liver. She was murdered several years ago, but for some reason her face popped into my head as soon as I took my first bite. ”
The man said, “Yes, when I sunk my teeth into the tongue I thought of my cousin Cindy. She was also murdered , very unfortunate.”
His armpits felt like they were on fire and the sweat poured down his arm like a gush of water trying to extinguish the fire. He tried to leave when the girl said, “By the way what is your name?”
He swallowed hard as he said, “My name is Hannibal Lecter.”