Sunday, July 6, 2014

This story developed out of a writing exercise in one of my writing classes. We had to write about a silly custom. This whole piece is silly but hopefully fun to read!

One of the most absurd customs of our society is that women are expected to wear long white gowns as wedding dresses . Why on earth is this? Because white is a virginal color?  Really now, how many brides are virgins on their wedding night?
Since a high percentage of marriages end in divorce, maybe wedding gowns should be orange or some other vibrant color to add excitement to their marriage . This ultimately could save marriages and prevent divorce.
White gets dirty and brides should be given the luxury to eat and drink without any worries.  Most will avoid food and drink at all costs. A bride with red wine stains or chocolate smudge down her dress would  ruin the perfect wedding album. Let’s face it, it’s all about the wedding pictures and looking good.  However, if the bride wears a red dress she could drink her red wine with no worries and if she chooses to wear brown, think of all the chocolate she could consume. This would guarantee a relaxed fun bride on her wedding day.
Speaking of pictures, it’s common knowledge that white is a color you should avoid when getting your picture taken.  It causes people to look washed out.  Think how beautiful most wedding pictures would be if the bride wore fuchsia, pink or turquoise? No more washed out brides!
Another absurd rule states we are not allowed to wear white after labor day .Technically,  all these brides are breaking this rule if they get married after labor day. Contradictory, right?
Wouldn’t it be nice to have little kids draw happy families with blushing brides? Did you ever try to color using the white crayola crayon? Not easy unless you are coloring on black paper. Changing this rule would make some kids very happy. Think of all the possibilities with their jumbo crayola box filled with tons of pretty colors ?  We would have happier kids which means happier parents and society would benefit greatly from this.
Another crucial point is if you wear any color wedding dress, and you get married multiple times in your life, you can keep wearing the same dress over and over.  Just dye it a different color each time. If you mess up the color, you can always have a hippie tie dye wedding!
Another absurdity about wedding dresses is their length. Dancing with a long gown with a ridiculous train is not fun and can cause broken bones if the bride is a klutz and trips. This can make for a disastrous wedding and honeymoon.
Think how many divorces could be avoided if brides didn’t have to wear white long gowns! We would be a much more content and happy society except for divorce lawyers who would be miserable.